Balance
(Written 10th of January 2015)
The wind blows around and into the house. Does it actually shudder beneath the onslaught of the force of the wind, or am I imagining things? I do know that I can’t get it warm in my room. With the little heather on highest, it is not enough to get it comfortable. My only window is directly in the raging pad of the wind and it acts like a big freezer, sucking all the warmth out of my room. But I don’t care. I am back in the lighthouse after staying for weeks in Gamvik, due to my badly sprained ankle. And even though I never had a more relaxed Christmastime as this one, I did long for my special place in the lighthouse. On my own again. Wind or no wind, cold or not cold, it feels good to be home.
And let’s face it, you can dress for cold! And that is exactly what I do, as soon as I have been 
dropped off at the lighthouse. The light is beautiful. For weeks the only photography I could do was from the house in the village of Gamvik, where I was staying. Fortunately even then I managed to make some beautiful pictures:-). But it is not the same as being out in nature and let the magic between nature and me do its work. That special feeling I get when I am out in nature, it feels like I am sort of resonating with nature. That is when I get the best pictures. That is when the magic enters my photographs. That is when I feel the happiest.
So even though the wind makes the temperature much and much colder then the -3°C it is, I do want to go out and make pictures. The only problem is, I still cannot walk very well. And with all the ice and snow surrounding the house and the road, I’ll have to be very, very careful. Is it wise to go out? Probably not. But after weeks of being coped up inside I want to be out and breath ! So I dress warmly and I put spikes under my shoes. I should take my ski poles with me for balance, but I know that will hinder me with my photography. So I decide against it. Is it wise? Probably not :-). With my camera bag on my back, I start slowly out. Just right next to the house, the wind has blown the snow into a wall 
of about 3 meters high. It is very difficult getting up there with my sore ankle. I move slowly, ever so slowly. One good foot up, the injured one next and another step up. There is a pole I can grape and I use it to turn around. Taking ever so small steps horizontal, until I come to a place I can move up again. Same method, first good foot, than injured one. Oops, it is difficult to hold my balance without my poles or crutches. But I AM being careful, ever so careful and after what seems like a long long time, I am up and I look out over the big white plain, the sea, the mountains and the road. I take a deep breath, oh... how wonderful it is to finally be in nature again. The air here is so precious, so pure, it heals by just breathing. The light 
is stunning: the blue light which is so typical of the mørketid and just a few small spots of red. The wind blows whatever loose snow it can find, over the icy road. What a sight ! I get out my camera and start snapping pictures. And be aware NOT to move my feet while I have my attention on taking pictures. So everytime I want another spot, I have to lower my camera, look at the ground, move my feet carefully and bring my camera up again and ‘click’. It takes much more time than usual, but I don’t care, I feel good !
I don’t walk far, I can’t. I feel my ankle starting to hurt, my feet and hands are cold, so it is time to go back. I have to take the same painstakingly trip back, down the snow wall. And going down is much more difficult than going up. But I manage. Just as I want to go in, I see something that could be a very nice picture. So even though everything inside says it is enough, for I am tired, my ankle hurts, I am cold, I ignore it and take a few more steps to get this picture. And..... yes....., I take a step in the 
snow where one part is still hard snow, and one part is soft and ‘ouch’ !!! My ankle did not like that at all. Stupid stupid, I knew it was enough, I knew I had to stop and I ignored it. Fortunately it was not a very bad misstep, but I am reminded again that it is sooooo important to listen to my inner voice that tells me when enough is enough. How often have I ignored these warnings and went on and on. Because I wanted to finish something or like now, just one thing more.... And I realise this is again one of my lessons from the lighthouse: know when it is enough and listen to that ! For there will always be another time to finish what I have to finish, or another beautiful sight I can catch with my camera. I want to honour myself from now on, in knowing when to stop....... Like now :-).
With love from the lighthouse, Marielle
P.s Of course I want to thank my host Frank for providing me with a warm, safe place where I could recuperate from my badly sprained ankle. And for all the wonderful, delicious diners ! Tusen takk Frank.
Frank